You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize