i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
