Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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