Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
