It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
