All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
