just tell him i said nine months
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
try to milk me bitch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
