You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
