i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
