remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
