the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
