i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
