im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
