just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
