he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
