She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
