Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
