His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
