Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
