Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
