NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
