We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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