What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
