Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
