He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
