ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
