I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
