We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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