he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
