Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
