Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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