Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
