Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
