I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
