You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So vagazzling was a success
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
