I'm gonna have a badass scar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
