Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
