He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
