fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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