You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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