Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
