i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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