Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
