Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
