so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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