when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
