i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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