There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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