I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
