I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize