i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
