She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
