Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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