the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Farmville is her only friend.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
