Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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