Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.

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(239): View more from Florida

We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk

Fav 3 2159 979
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.

(609): View more from New Jersey

eyebrows regrow, your balls dont

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(847): View more from Illinois

I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.

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(850): View more from Florida

Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself

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(817): View more from Texas

Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair

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