But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
