Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
