The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
