R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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