So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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