peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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