i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
