So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
