tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
