Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize