Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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