I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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