So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
