Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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