I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
