This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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