So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
