Fine. I'll sleep in my office
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
