with your own penis?
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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