There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
