dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
