The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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