sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
