So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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