So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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