I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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