my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
