my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
