She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
