There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
