I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Come see our sink grown plant.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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