and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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