Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
