Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
