Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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