apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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