Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
