apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
