I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
