When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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