Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
