He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
