wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
