Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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