I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
