i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
